Well I am sure you remember being assured that all our worries about immigration were ill founded and that it was all under control by our wonderful Government. You will therefore want to know that following Alan Johnson’s admission that his predecessors (not him of course) made a bosh of it all, it now transpires that a deliberately risky policy was adopted making it easy to gain admission to this country so that successive Labour Home Secretaries could stand up and say it was all under control and have the figures to prove it. However in fact there were far too many applications to deal with properly so the risky policy meant they could get through the work and the figures would add up.
Needless to say it has taken some time to wheedle this out of Ministers under the Freedom of Information Act but at last we have it. 337,000 applications were fast tracked with minimal checks under instruction from the top. It will comfort you to know that those allowed into the country through this enlightened approach included more than 20 members of the Taliban who had fled from Pakistan following their defeat by American and British forces. No wonder the BNP is gaining recruits if this kind of idiocy can be perpetrated by a supposedly responsible government.
Oh the wonders of modern enlightened government……
Old Fart
Did you have to raise this issue again ? I mean I thought we agreed that the only way to get me re elected was to keep a lid on stories like this . If we cant do that there is every chance that that awful David whatshis name will be taking over my job in the New Year . Look you are benefiting from our immigration cock up arnt you with the east wing of your pad full to the brim with them at a huge finacial gain to you . Thats the point - the country will benefit by the presence of as many illeagals as we can slip in . Now that finacial services has gone down the tubes , manufacturing was killed of years ago by Maggie and so all thats left is making money out of illegals. But I need your help in keeping quiet on the downsides and the underhand way in which this is being done . Lets get the economy back on track then everyone will see our policies to have been insightful and the salvation for the country that I know they are
Stick with me old fart . Your country needs you and you need the peerage …oh and I gather Penelope prefers titled gentlemen
Gordie
Lady Penelope Keith……….how wonderful!
Old Fart
I have not had the honourable pleasure of writing to you before but the subject of illegal immigration is close to my heart .
I came to your respectful little country in the boot of a diplomatic rolls royce when I was 15 . I brought my modest wealth with me from my homeland and since then have invested in a number of well known shops , football clubs and country piles . Today I am proud to be ranked number 6 in the Times Rich buggers list .My father reminds me that I am still only number 6 and wants me to do better to keep the family name in good standing but my point is this - illegal immigrants are doing a good job in rapeing and pillaging your little country !!!!!!!!!
The funny thing with you lovely English is that you let us do this and at the same time pay us to be here with free council houses , health care , education and so many benefits that really one wonders what is the point of working . You must have a reason but I dont get it .
If you came to my little country in the dessert you would be working making our country better for us building , sweeping camel shit etc but here you let us get so rich while your little country goes down the swanny ( I think that is a funny saying )
Anyway I have hundreds of relatives living here now . They love it and like me cant believe their luck .Anyway as I said one of my passions is country piles so if you would ever like to sell yours I would like to talk to you . You could even work for me and then you would appreciate what illegal immigration is doing to this funny little country
Yours thankfully
Sultan bin ere and there