Have you noticed how the language is constantly downgraded, or in media speak things are ‘bigged up’? Some of us can remember when to qualify as a superstar you had to be one of the six top earning Hollywood stars or a massive rock star. These days I am constantly surprised by the ‘celebrities’ and ’superstars’ paraded before us who I have never heard of before. Probably comes from the fact that I have never read ‘OK’ or ‘Hello’ or similar drivel.
One of the most over used words around at the moment is ‘iconic’. There was a time when this term was reserved for things that were truly, well, iconic. It was indeed rarely used and remained a special term used to describe something quite singular. But today we are bombarded by its use. Every time you turn on the radio or TV some bright young thing is describing an everyday item or event as ‘iconic’. Guess what though - in a year’s time you won’t hear it at all. It will be recognised as totally devalued and will have gone out of fashion with the media types.
Today on the radio I heard one of the best bits of overblown media hype so far. They were talking about a songwriter who apparently wrote a good few of the hits of Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby, who was deemed so special ‘he should reside in the Pantheon of the Immortals’. No really - I am not kidding. This is a songwriter we are talking about, not somebody who saved the free world from oblivion. Come on now, get a grip.
Good news re the Oldboy Manor project. Hugh Heffner has agreed to a joint venture . Each monthly Playboy magazine will have a free Oldboy supplement with features on your sybaritic lifestyle. I see pictures of you under the internal waterfall in your OF monogrammed dressing gown surrounded by your porn starlets in their scanties. And we can push the membership idea and coin in shedloads from the punters. And promote your porn film productions …loved the latest ” Seduction in Slagheap”.Good that Felicity Kendall’s on for the grand opening of Oldboy Manor gentlemans club , can you get Keef Richard along too? Or maybe Michael Jackson is ready to reappear now that the scam to drive up record sales has worked. Not so sure about your alter ego John Terry though.
What about a ” readers wives” section in the mag….provocative but tasteful pics of your bloggers other halfs…..eg Mrs Elf ‘n Safety Alf in the bath; Mrs Urban Eric in not much; Mrs Lee Damon leading them on; perhaps even WI Woman herself as a centrefold!
Only concern me is the lack of progress in Oz. Any word from Urban Eric on developments? Should I call Kylie or Rolf instead?
Dear O.F.
I have discussed the situation with The Mrs Elf and she is up for a tasteful pic in the bath subject to a full risk assessment being carried out. Before she will disrobe we must assess the water temperature and depth, the strength of the floor due to her ample middle age proportions and being slightly over wieght, any chemical reactions that may occur due to use of bubble bath, floor condition to eliminate slipping on entry or egress from tub, the bath has suitable handles and support and full inspection of the walls to ensure all holes are filled in case any old perves may be spying on the shoot.
She would also insist that Pen from the gatehouse be there to hold the extra large towel on exit from the bath.
Regards
ALF.
gooday me old mate from a steamy queensland -thats like steamy weather not steamy like your old porno movies . !! Mate I like the idea of the heffner manor idea down in slagheap valley at your pad . Id like it more if was over down lambeth way cause you no what problems I have getting down your way on the bleeding tube but there we go -its still a weekend away from the hoodies and that .
Ive had a word with my misses about Freds idea on the readers wife section for the old farts magazine . Shes up for it like but reckons the old cellulites a bit of a problem these days . I said to her look babe this is for old farts and they are used to all that stuff and any rate they have to take what they can get !!So there you go count her in mate . as for the old porno movies looks like she aint so keen so its me on me jack jones but like you know ive got a thing going for that WI woman so any chance of a steamy session there Im up for it !!!!
Any road looks like its time for anothere barbie and a few tinnies with old Bruce and Shiela . Tell you what mate there aint no bleeding recession and crap like that here . They got this bloke Rudd doing what old Gordie does back in Blighty and mate ill tell you hes the boy . Down here there aint all the hoodies , druggies , stabbing , rain , stealing MPs , snow and all the other crap what you go on about on the old blog . Just sun , tinnies and sheilas !!Reckon Ill see if gordie will send me the old benefits down here and thats it . Im staying
See you mate
‘that bleeding pom’ Eric
Old fart
I can tell you that my tits are really iconic so get back to your IT helpdesk and leave those of us who are richer and famous to rip off joe public even more .
And by the way if you want a really good porno movie my rates are less than a bloody IT consultant . I would charge 350000 quid a day . I have always fantacised about that John Terry guy so how about a steamy session ‘ Iconic Jordan and terry’s steamy hatric’ If Fred the Shread wants to join in great cause ive got the hots for him too .
Would it be OK if Hello magazine ( they just love my tits !) did a piece on the making of the movie . They would pay 2 m quid and could help you promote the OldBoy Manor . Oh and I could do the opening ceremony for you for 500000 quid which would include a flash of my rtits for all the punters
Love and kisses
Jordon