Off to London today so guess it will be hot. Need to do a spot of ‘light repping’ as one of my so called friends calls it. Then the first of the family starts arriving for our family get together at the weekend. So should be good fun.
Interesting to see what all the current exercise on job/budget cuts in the public sector will lead to - departments have been told to prepare themselves for a cut of up to 40% in budgets and the unions are already taking up their positions along with the various lobby groups promising all kinds of dire consequences if the Government goes ahead.
What hopefully the Government is ensuring is that we get a ‘zero based’ budget approach where there is no simple incremental cut, but that a fundamental root and branch reveiw is taken of the services provided and whether they are still needed (or in the case of many introduced in the last 10 years, whether they ever were).
Already the whole atmosphere is so refreshing and at last there is a feeling that one is not talking to a Government that is not listening. I do so hope it all results in real change and a lessening of bureaucracy and meddling in our lives.
Hi me old mate
Well been away for a bit so missed the old blog but a couple of things
1 Good to see Rupurt whats his name from the papers has spotted my talent . Have a word with im mate and if like you sell the old blog Id be up for helping im out with my intellectual entries and that as what Ive done for you
2 Then I see you going off about my benefits .Well I can tell you thats all changing round here. We had a bloke round called on all the blokes on disability . I told you how I got this hay fever and an ingrowing toenail so I aint been able to do no work since 1986. Well this what this geezer reckons is that tough mate but we want you to work and no more benefits like . So they got me a job down the council where they reckon my problems aint an issue like - Im a Hanging Basket Equality Officer …. whatever the hell that is like . Well they reckon that my old baskets are pretty good but that what with all the hoodies from afganistan and that well they aint much good at baskets so they shoot the good uns down to like get revenge and that . So thats what Ive got to do is show the old immigrant people how to do a bloody hanging basket . Then if they do good ones they wont need to go shooting down the ones us old timers do .Get it ?
Anyway like its better than benefits cause I get 57000 quid a year and Im allowed 8 weeks holiday and 30 weeks sick leave . So that aint too bad a. I said a mate of mine down in Canary Wharf had a ‘ golden hello ‘ and could I have one but no go on that , but I might get a car they reckon .
So lifes looking up . Have a good time with the family mate and Ill let you know how it all goes down here in Lambeth
Eric
Dear Old Fart
I have not bothered writing to since all your disparaging remarks during the election but I was pleased to see on your blog today that you have come round , seen the light and are now a supporter of Liberal Democrat policies and values . This country will be great and in time David will make an excellent deputy PM : Its all part of correcting years of labour cock ups
Thank you for your support
Sir Nick Somebody ( PM in waiting ) MBE ;OBE ; Every other E
‘ere son—–bit of a drama— bit of a problem this end. Sometimes its ‘ard bein a top guvner in the security game. Now ‘old ‘arrys done you some good stuff recent inee? Like last week when me ‘ n the boys sorted that director geezer at BP wot was whining just ‘cos your IT consultancy on oil exploration software covered Florida in 6ft of slime n wiped £76Bn off its share value. Well ‘e wont be pumpin no gas for a few weeks after me ‘n the boys visited son, job done eh?
My boys dont scare easy either, like you dont get to be top dog at Bellmarsh C wing through bein namby pamby does ya? But my associates are kickin up about next weekends job after they done security at your family party last year. The word on the street is that Kneecap Kev has been seein Bob Crow about ‘ow to organise a strike!
Now I’ve explained that your kin ain’t exactly aristos wot with the drug runnin ‘n the porn empire ‘n the incest but they is, like ,warm ‘earted. OK so you ‘ad to move down Slagheap quick after the party last year. But maybe your cousin was right and ‘e was led on by the mother superior next door. ‘n Kevin’s still a bit sore about still needin phisio on his arm wot WI Woman broke just ‘cos he folded ‘is napkin wrong. But your blood is salt of the earth I tells the boys. So ‘ere’s the deal son. I got the boys to agree to come but double time ‘n you supply riot shields ‘n body armour—–not cheap son but the best deal youll get with a family like that . See ya Saturday ‘arry. PS Last time we was down the old bird down the drive wanted to borrow me 9″ inch truncheon. Do you know where she put it ‘n how I get it back?
Dear Old Fart
I trust that you had a good weekend with your family . We did miss you and your wonderful singing at our Sunday service at Slagheap Parish Church.
I am writing to ask that in future would you be good enough to use the services of a different security firm when you have important people at the manor . ‘Arry the Axe and his ‘boys’ were a disgrace and wreeked havoc at yesterdays service . To be honest most of them seemed under the spell of the demon drink which only made matters worse
Twenty of them turned up yesterday and insisted in sitting in the front pews . As you can imagine Lord Smyth- Watson was less than happy at being picked up by five burly drunks and put in the back pew . Then during the service they continued with mobile phone calls ,eating McDonalds , crude remarks about ‘the bird at the gate house’ ,belching , swearing,painting graffeti on the pews and even testing their weapons .Old Fart this is a house of God . You have supported us with fund raising but all of this was totally unacceptable . In fact we now need to raise more money to repair the damage to our little church .
Many residents left during the service and I imagine a few of them will be converting to Islam after this dreadful experience . Doris Scott was admitted to hospital with a suspected heart attack and Beryl McCloud is now confined to bed with a reoccurance of a bad back having had to stand during the whole service .
In the name of our Lord I ask that you never have ‘Arry the Axe back at your pile . He and his ‘men’ are a disgrace and have no place in Slagheap .
Regards Reverend Mary