The WI have gone so its safe to come out now - Henry the cat was terrified by a room full of women. In fact all our guests have now gone and we really have collapsed in an exhausted heap.
So now some local councillors have decided to award themselves pay rises way above inflation at the same time as the Government is showing leadership by taking a 5% cut. Councillors were supposed to do the work as their contribution to society; not as a way of making money. What planet are they living on? Don’t they watch the news?
Dear Old Fart
You say that the WI have left BUT I have just had the most troubling text message from one of my members ,Edith Come-On . Apparently she was ’snathched ‘ by one of ‘Arrys ‘ security men called Chisel Nose Pete and taken to a remote part of your manor house . At first she resisted but to no avail and now she reports that she has enjoyed and I quote ‘ a wild night of lust and passion’ and she wants to stay.
This is a terrible outcome to a lovely day but I did warn you about ‘Arry the Axe . And now a poor Edith has had her life violated in the most unaceptable way . Also of course I have the problem of stopping a mass exodus from Slagheap WI as other members decide there is more fun to be had at the manor.
I urge you to search for Edith with all the resources you can muster . The only clue I have as to where she is comes from her text in which she refers to some carvings on the bed head saying ‘Estonia Rent Boys 2009′
Yours with deep concern
Bridget
‘ere son–now its obvious. Couldn’t get it figured for a bit but now its plain as the thing in the middle of yer boat race ( *) See me ‘n the boys could never get it . ” OK” said Flicknife Frankie ” we knows es really knockin on a bit but ‘ow does anybody get to look that decrepit ‘n knackered ?”.Got it figured now son. And fair play to you. Wot a way to work yerself to near dead!
See after we done the security at yer family p.u some of the boys said they’d stay over for a day in the country. Well only green things they sees normal is the baize on the tables down Millwall in Sid the Scars snooker and sauna gaff. So I finks be good for them , r an’ r ‘n that. Well now they’ve come back up the smoke like dried lentils ——-drained to the last drop by them WI birds. Now we knows how you always look so gaunt. ” Socialising” with them old tarts! Crafty old geezer! Like ‘yenas on ‘eat Kneecap said!
Problem is after Flicknife seen the WI treasurer Tina Biscuit givin it some in the pole dancing room ( classy refurbishment son—-better than that boring old Elizabethan dining room wot was there before) ‘ees gone all lovey dovey ‘n soft. Says can ‘ee learn crochet ‘n next time can we sing ” Jerusalem” before givin a good hidin to some geezer wot ‘asn’t paid is bills. Gawd luv us son them WI ’s is well ‘ard—-was Kneecap tellin the truth about ‘ow the Chairwoman opens ‘er beer bottles? Makes yer eyes water eh son?(*) Or slighly to the side in the case of a couple of geezers wot upset my clients recent.